


The channel fades to snow

by Cyane



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Families of Choice, Father-Daughter Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Cursing, Protective Siblings, hollyhock apparently gets drugged a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-29 23:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17817401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyane/pseuds/Cyane
Summary: BoJack felt his mind grind to a halt. He ended the call and pushed his hair back with one hand, heart racing. Todd was giving him a nervous look."Uh, you okay, buddy? What's wrong?""She didn't answer.""What?"BoJack turned to look at him. "Hollyhock didn't answer."





	The channel fades to snow

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not dead! And I REALLY just wanted to post something because I've been on one of my worst writer's block cases ever. Yeah, I binge-watched BoJack Horseman over a week and I relapsed and I'm stressed about standardized testing and WOW that is too much personal information in the beginning notes.
> 
> First BH fanfic, go easy on me? I have no idea what this was, I saw someone suggest it so I just sort of rolled with it. But I'm planning on doing more one-shots for this fandom so let's get going!

 

 

"Bag? Pepper spray?" 

Hollyhock groaned, smiling. "Yeah, I've got everything! Can I go now?"

BoJack scanned her over, making sure she wasn't lying. "Okay, okay. Sunscreen?"

"It's seven o'clock at night!" She said exasperatedly. 

"Phone charger?"

_"BoJack-"_

"Fine!" BoJack raised his arms in surrender, stepping forward to grab the door for her. "I know, I'm such a terrible person for wanting you to be safe at this party. There is no atoning for such a crime."

Hollyhock rolled her eyes and gave him an awkward pat on the arm, strafing around him to reach the door. "I know you're just looking out for me, but I'm seventeen. I can take care of myself. Besides, it's not like I'm going to be with a bunch of strangers. Alex is the one who invited me."

Right. BoJack held back a scoff. "Alex... who you met yesterday."

"At the library," Hollyhock retorted, "not in a dark alley behind the grocery store!"

Honestly, BoJack wasn't entirely sure why he was still stalling. Yeah, he was getting rubbed the wrong way about this 'Alex' character who he'd never even met before, and the idea of Hollyhock going to a party full of dangerous teenagers and inevitably alcohol, but he wasn't exactly one to preach about 'good life decisions'. At first, he thought he could just stall for the next three hours until the party had ended, but he was already out of things to say.

Diane chose that moment to step up and push him out of the way. "Ignore him. Just use good judgement and if someone tries anything, jab them in the face with your keys." She held up a hand, putting three keys between each finger so she looked like Wolverine. "Or hold it like a knife, get your pepper spray, aim for the face and then aim your knee for the groin."

Hollyhock, who had been betting on Diane to stop BoJack, slumped back down as the cycle continued. 

"And then, when he's down," Diane continued fiercely, "go for the eyes."

"Can I go already?" Hollyhock whined.

Diane and BoJack shared a look, then relented. "Alright, last thing, just remember to check in at midnight at the latest, call if you need a ride home, and try not to have too much alcohol-"

"Don't have _any_   alcohol." Diane interrupted firmly. "And make sure to watch your dri-"

A loud series of honking came from the front driveway and Hollyhock jumped up, shoving past both of them to leave. "Okay, okay, I will! That's Alex! I've got to go!"

BoJack popped his head around the doorway to watch her run off, trying to glimpse the guy in the car. Over the bright headlights, he could clearly see the coyote in the front seat, smiling like a grade-A douchebag.

Diane pulled him back inside. She was giving him this smiling look, eyes twinkling like she knew something he didn't.

"Okay, you've done your job. Teenager has successfully been sent to a party. So do you want to keep moping around waiting for her to come back, or do you want to watch re-runs of _Horsin' Around_ with me?"

Realizing why Diane had stayed-- it had been for  _his_ benefit, not her own-- BoJack offered a smile and nodded, walking back inside with her. 

 

"Do you think she'll be okay?"

"I think you have too little confidence in her, and she has too much. But yeah, I think she'll be okay." Diane tugged a blanket around herself on the couch. "Although I'm probably not a great person to ask. I never really went to parties as a teenager, y'know?"

"Yeah. Me neither."

Diane blinked, genuinely surprised. "Really? Hm."

"Yeah, really. Didn't really get into the whole... uh," BoJack gestured around the house, _"scene,_ until _Horsin' Around_ took off." 

"No offense, but it's sort of hard to imagine you as a kid. I know a little about your parents, and your old home, but you didn't say much about yourself." Diane winced. "Sorry if I sound like I'm still trying to ghostwrite. I'm really just asking, no strings."

BoJack chewed on the inside of his cheek. "I dunno, there's not much to say."

"BoJack..."

"There's really not," BoJack insisted. "I wasn't much of a kid. I was quiet. It- took me a while to come out of my shell."

Diane didn't pry any more, and they began watching in a companionable silence. 

It was sort of ridiculous in its simpleness. Watching his show with a friend on a Friday night,  ~~mostly~~  sober... sort of weirdly domestic. Nice. And, dare he say it, BoJack was momentarily, temporarily... almost... happy. 

 

-

 

"-de. BoooooooJaaaaaaaack. BoJack."

BoJack blinked his eyes open, squinting at the figure that was shaking him roughly. "W'ss'it?" His eyes cleared enough for him to recognize Todd. "What?"

"Oh my god," Todd said, collapsing on the couch beside him. "I came over and I thought you were  _dead,_ man. You sure sleep like you overdose."

"Yeah," BoJack replied halfheartedly, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "I must've fallen asleep while we were watching. Where's Diane, anyway?" 

Todd rolled onto his side, waving his arms animatedly. "She called me three hours ago to come over because she had to go because Mr. Peanutbutter needed to borrow her car because there was a contest two weeks ago for dressing up your car and you can only enter one car but he needed her to enter her own car because they live together and they'd split the winnings anyway but that way they could enter two entries to the contest because there's two of them and so Diane left and so she called me to come and make sure you stayed sober so you could pick up that horse girl if she needed you to or something?" 

"Jesus Christ, sorry I asked." BoJack muttered, groaning as he stretched out his kinked neck.  _Horsin' Around_ was still playing on the TV, but it looked like Diane had muted it, probably after he fell asleep.

"Anyway, I remember that girl. Hollyhock. She's your kid, huh?" 

"It's complicated."

Todd hummed in agreement. "At least she's the thing keeping you sober, man. So where'd she go?"

Everything suddenly hit BoJack like a ton of bricks. "Wait- Diane called you to come over here  _three hours ago?!"_ He looked left, and yep, it was way later. He glanced at the time. It was 12:10, just after midnight. "Oh my god, oh shit... she didn't check in. Oh my god, she didn't check in.  _I_  didn't check in." The light of his phone was blinding in the darkness, but there was one ominous missed call, and it was from Hollyhock's number.

"Oh, fuck me," BoJack hissed, mentally slamming his forehead against the coffee table. "God, I'm the worst! She called and I was asleep. What if something happened? She probably needed me and now who knows what happened to her!"

Todd was frowning, obviously confused. "Hollyhock?"

"Yes, Hollyhock, you idiot- not you, me, I'm the idiot-  _shit,_ I messed up." BoJack was already on his feet, grappling around for his shoes and calling the number back. "Come on, pick up, pick up..." After an eternity,

_"Hello!"_

"Hollyhock, it's BoJack, I am  _so_ sorry--"

_"This is- uhhhh- the voicemail of... um, Hollyhock Manheim-Mannheim-Guerrero-Robinson-Zilberschlag-Hsung-Fonzerelli-McQuack..."_

BoJack felt his mind grind to a halt. He ended the call and pushed his hair back with one hand, heart racing. Todd was giving him a nervous look.

"Uh, you okay, buddy? What's wrong?"

"She didn't answer."

"What?"

BoJack turned to look at him. "Hollyhock didn't answer. She called, and now she's not answering. I didn't pick up when she called. Jesus, Todd, _Jesus_. I have to go get her." He finally managed to pull both shoes on and immediately stumbled towards the door. 

Todd was at his side in a minute. "Whoa, man, okay, okay. Hey, I'll drive, okay? Just tell me where to go, we'll find her. She's probably fine."

"Nothing about this is fine!" BoJack shouted, but didn't argue when Todd raced in front of him and took the wheel. He rattled off directions, fingers tapping anxiously over the dash as they sped down the streets. His mind had already gone to the worst places, as per fucking usual- what if Hollyhock and that asshole, Alex, had been drinking? What if she had tried to call BoJack for a lift back and when he hadn't answered, she'd tried walking home, drunk, and was lying in a ditch somewhere along the road? What if someone else had offered her a ride back and had kidnapped her?

Thankfully, Todd seemed to understand the seriousness of the matter, determinedly going a steady number over the limit. They got there in at least a third of the time. 

"Damn, nice party," Todd added as they pulled up to the house. It was huge, covered in trash and toilet paper. Couch cushions were littered across the front lawn and the door was wide open, at least a dozen teenagers spilling out the front door. One kid was vomiting his guts out on the sidewalk.

That meant alcohol. 

BoJack didn't hesitate, eyes darting across faces as he searched for her. 

"Hey, aren't you that horse from  _Horsin' Around?"_

He ignored them, pushing past to get inside. "Hollyhock?" He called out, overwhelmed by the sea of people he found himself wading through. One thing he immediately noticed, though, was that the party wasn't just teenagers. There were adults, some who looked to be thirty or older. That panicky feeling quadrupled in his stomach.

"Hollyhock!" Todd joined in. "Maybe she's going to the bathroom?"

"Have you seen a girl, looks like me?" He asked desperately, turning away as the other guests shook their head or shoved him away. "Hollyhock, has anyone seen her? She looks like me, she has a diamond and she's yea high. Hollyhock?"

"I'll check upstairs!" Todd said over the pounding music. 

_This is what you get, this is exactly what you get. Except you're not getting it, it's going to be Hollyhock paying for your irresponsible ass. You stupid, stupid piece of shit, of course you fall asleep. You had one job, and you fell asleep. And now Hollyhock could be dead. She could be dead, like Sarah Lynn._

_Oh my god, she could be_ dead.

BoJack pushed his way through the crowds into something resembling a kitchen area. Spiked drinks were scattered around, bowls of liquor-infused punch, your stereotypical red Solo cups. Couples were making out and grinding wherever they were standing and all BoJack could think was 'Hollyhock doesn't belong here'. Hollyhock was the sweetest, funniest girl ever, and she had some major insecurities and she could be awkward, but she was amazing, and he didn't even want to think about her getting drunk or making out with fucking Alex or trying to walk home herself. 

The music was painfully loud, the bass drilling down into his bones, and BoJack knew for a fact that Hollyhock couldn't stand this genre of music and  _where the hell was she?_

"Hollyhock? Holly-"

Ah-!

He saw a tuft of tan hair and latched onto it, holding his breath as he shuffled towards one of the tables. That had to be her. Even from the back of her head, BoJack could tell immediately. Some sleezeball had one arm around her like a backwards seat belt, though-- someone who definitely wasn't the coyote he'd seen earlier, and definitely wasn't under twenty-five. 

"Hollyhock?" 

Both Hollyhock and the guy next to her looked up. Hollyhock's face morphed into surprise. "BoJack? What're..."

The guy was staring at BoJack, suddenly looking a lot more nervous. 

BoJack took in the scene.

One, Hollyhock had a mostly-empty Solo cup in front of her. That meant that, for starters, she had to be at least somewhat drunk. Two, the guy was decidedly not Alex. Three, Mr. Shifty-Eyes didn't have a cup in front of him. And four, BoJack wasn't a three year old, he knew what someone looked like when they were high. Specifically on Rophynol. 

Hollyhock seemed to be slipping off of the stool, and the guy's arm tightened around her to keep her upright. Instead of righting herself, she went with the motion and ended up resting her head in the crack of his shoulder and, oh, BoJack was going to  _murder_ this guy.

"You okay, Hollyhock?"

She was staring at him. "I... BoJack, I called- earlier..." her voice was slurred slightly, stunted. "I dunno... I feel weird. Why're you here?"

"I'm going to get you home," he said, swallowing down the rage momentarily. He held out a hand. "Come on, keep 'er steady. That's enough partying for one night, right?" 

The guy who'd presumably drugged her obviously had no idea what to do, and opted to hang onto one of her arms as she tried to stumble forwards. 

"Huh?" Hollyhock tumbled backwards from the tug as her legs turned into jelly. "I can't... m'legs- h'my god, _BoJack_ -" 

"I've got you," BoJack said, walking forward to steady her. He grabbed the guy's wrist and squeezed, leaning in. "If you don't let go of her in the next three seconds I'm going to kill you," he snarled. Finally, the guy shrunk back, letting go. There were reddening marks on Hollyhock's arm, though, and BoJack couldn't help it. He used his good free arm and punched the guy in the nose like a badass. 

There were a few yelps from the crowd around them, but over the music, flashing lights, and crowded area, the guy pretty much fell on his ass without a huge fuss. BoJack began carefully guiding Hollyhock out, already dialing Todd with the other hand. 

 _"Did you find her?"_  

"Yeah, she's- I have her. There's a guy I knocked out in the kitchen area. Can you call P.C. or Diane or someone? I need to get Hollyhock home."

_"Yeah, 'course, man. Uhh, wait, did you say you knocked him out?"_

"Thanks Todd, you're the best!" He hung up.

He was practically dragging Hollyhock to the car by the time they made it back to the front lawn. On one hand, it was incredibly convenient to avoid any explanation for why a middle aged man was taking a drugged-out teenage girl into her car, but on the other hand, it was more than a little terrifying that another middle aged man could've done the same with just as much ease. 

"BoJack," Hollyhock whispered, eyes rolling around. "I feel- um- sorta..."

"You're going to be okay," BoJack helped her into shotgun. "We're going to go back home." For the first time since waking up, he felt the adrenaline begin to fade into overwhelming relief. Without thinking about it, BoJack reached over and took one of her hands, squeezing it. "It's all okay."

"I'm tired..."

"You can go to sleep."

 

It was a long process, from the driveway to the living room to his bedroom, where he managed to dump her. He considered the couch, but something seemed a bit wrong about leaving her on the couch. God knew what she'd remember the following day. 

Only twenty minutes after crashing on one of the kitchen chairs, the door slammed open and in came Todd, Diane, and Mr. Peanutbutter, each looking more serious than usual. 

"Is she okay?" Diane asked, speed walking to where he was sitting. "Is she sleeping?" 

"No, yes." 

Diane winced. "I didn't mean is she  _okay-_ okay, I just meant... did...?"

"No. No, I don't think so. The son of a bitch sure left a bruise on her arm, though."

Diane exhaled, nodding in relief. "Thank fuck. Todd called us a while ago to help look for her."

"Yeah," Mr. Peanutbutter added, "The car contest was important, but not that important." 

"And Princess Carolyn said she's got 'contacts' to deal with the guy who did it..." Todd shuddered. "Whatever  _that's_ supposed to mean."

BoJack had to mentally talk himself out of getting another bottle of liquor from the cabinet. He was aching for it, but it would only make things worse, and he needed to be there for Hollyhock. Coming down from a roofie was never a fun trip, mostly a long onset illness and vomiting. 

He looked at the small group that had gathered in his living room. It wasn't like they could be of immediate help; all that was left to do was wait it out until Holly woke up and then they'd deal with her mental state. But they'd all shown up anyway, without a word, without question. 

And thank God for that, because he had absolutely no idea what he was doing. That was clear, given that he'd let Hollyhock go out for the first time and she'd almost been kidnapped and raped by a thirty year old man, oh-  _god,_ things could've been so bad. Things could've been so much worse.

"Thanks for coming," he blurted out, looking at his hands on the counter so he wouldn't have to look at any of them.

Mr. Peanutbutter put one hand on his shoulder and smiled. "Hey, buddy, we're here for you and your family. That's what friends are for!" Diane hummed in agreement, but the lines in her forehead were still dark with tension. And Todd just sat down in another chair and nodded.

It didn't stop the ache, which could've easily been glossed over with copious amounts of alcohol, but it did make it easier to bear. 

 

-

 

The quiet vigil continued throughout the night, Diane and Mr. Peanutbutter talking quietly on the couch, Todd fast asleep beside them, and eventually Princess Carolyn showed up, too, looking steely. 

"Well, we don't need to worry about Matthew McKlarie anymore," she said in lieu of a greeting. Todd was right, she really could be scary when she wanted to. 

"I'm guessing I'm off the hook for punching him, then?" 

"Yeah," Princess Carolyn sighed, dropping her bags and taking a seat. "I did what I could, I mean it. How is, ah...?"

"Hollyhock. She's still asleep, I think." BoJack covered his eyes with his hands. "I really, really fucked this up. I don't know why I thought I could be that responsible parental figure, you know? I always think I've changed, I always think I've gotten better somehow, but I'm just as bad. I don't know how to be that person. I wasn't for Sarah Lynn, I wasn't for Penny, I'm not being that person for Hollyhock..."

She was giving him a long look. "BoJack, listen to me, okay? I'm talking to you as a friend. Not an agent, not a girlfriend, a  _friend._ Okay? Parenting isn't easy. It's not easy for anyone, everyone is just faking it and doing their best. I've been..." She visibly swallowed, and BoJack saw her glance over to the others, presumably to check if they were eavesdropping.

"I've been trying to become a mother for a while, actually. It's been hard enough trying to get a kid, but honestly? I'm terrified that I wouldn't be a good mother."

BoJack blinked. "Are you crazy? You'd be an amazing mother."

Princess Carolyn huffed quietly. "Thanks. But that's my point: we're all scared of screwing it up, every single one of us, even on the good days. From what I heard, you were the reason Hollyhock isn't hospitalized or worse right now, and that's what I call a success. That's good parenting, because you took action and you made it work because you care abut her. You did great, BoJack."

_You did great._

He laughed halfheartedly and rubbed at one of his elbows, physically yearning for a drink. "But what about next time? And the time after? You know me, I'm the biggest disaster any of us have ever met and I'm only going to get worse. You know, she called me? She called me. I told her to check in at midnight and she actually did, and she probably called to ask me to pick her up, but I fell asleep."

"You can't blame yourself." Princess Carolyn glared at him when he opened his mouth to respond. "Shut up, you dumb horse. Believe it or not, you aren't god. You can't control everyone, you don't get to chose other people's actions, you can't be everywhere at once, you aren't perfect, and you can't blame yourself for not being perfect. What matters is you did what you could when you could."

"...I can't believe you  _want_ this sort of responsibility in your life," he admitted.

She grinned. "The good times make it all worth it, don't they?"

He thought about it. Hollyhock and him, riding in the car going obnoxiously fast, scouring every source in the search for her mother, sitting on the deck and talking about the real shit, laughing over broken microwaves. When she fell asleep on the couch or against the wall, and BoJack would 'reluctantly' wrap a blanket around her or carry her to bed. Todd moving out had been a huge hit, but Hollyhock had just shown up and inserted herself into his life and... yeah, he...

He sort of loved the kid.

"I guess they do."

 

Early that morning, around five-fifteen, there was a thud, and then the faint sound of retching. Diane and BoJack both stood simultaneously, running into the bedroom to check on her. Diane knocked on the ajar bathroom door. "Hollyhock, can we come in? It's Diane and BoJack." 

More retching. BoJack reached forward to push the door open- it wasn't like it was locked, or even shut completely- but Diane stopped him with a look that just screamed _give her her privacy and the option to say no_. "Hollyhock?"

"...Um, yeah?"

Hollyhock's voice was hoarse and it sounded like she'd already started crying. Slowly, Diane pushed the door open and they walked inside. When Hollyhock keeled over again, BoJack grimaced and, without really thinking about it, pulled her hair out of her face to keep it away from the toilet bowl. He knew what _that_   felt like.

She looked a mess, still in the rumpled clothing she'd gone to the party in, hair in frizzy tangles, looking a few shades too pale. Her eyes were puffy and red, along with the area surrounding them. 

"Do you remember what happened?"

Hollyhock ducked her head and BoJack felt his heart twist uncomfortably when tears began rolling down her face. "I think s-so?"

Diane reached out and put a hand on her arm. "You're safe now, and we're going to take care of you, if that's alright."

"I f-feel really sick. Horrible."

"Probably the GBH. Heavy drug."

Hollyhock rested her forehead on the rim of the toilet, chin quivering. "I'm sorry," she choked out. "I know you told me to be safe and watch my d-drink, but Alex ditched me and then I tried calling but no-nobody picked up, and then this guy said he could give me a ride if I needed one," she took a shaky inhale, "and I said no because he was a stranger, but then he told me to have some water, at least, and I knew the punch was spiked but I didn't think the water would be so I drank it, and then I c-couldn't move and I f-felt really funny, and my l-legs s-stopped working, and I was so  _scared,_ I'm sorry-!"

Diane dropped to her knees and took both of Hollyhock's hands in her own. After a moment, BoJack crouched, too, biting his lip and cautiously rubbing her back. 

Christ, he had no idea what he was doing. Thankfully Diane was there, knowing exactly the right things to say and do. 

"None of that was your fault, Holly," Diane said. "Okay? None of it. It's okay to be scared, or to feel violated, but none of it was your fault. That guy, Matthew, and Alex? Both of them can go to hell. Princess Carolyn made sure they won't ever hurt you again. And you have to know that if you ever need help, you're always going to have someone to turn to. BoJack is going to be there for you, and the same goes for me and Mr. Peanutbutter."

Hollyhock looked like she might put her head in the bowl again, but nodded weakly. "Thanks for c-coming to get me."

BoJack couldn't keep it inside any longer. "No, Jesus, Hollyhock, I'm sorry. I missed your call, because I'm an asshole and I fell asleep, but I swear on my life I will never let that happen again. I'm so, so sorry."

"S'okay," she mumbled, leaning into both of their embraces slightly. "You came anyway. I'm just... tired. I'm really t-tired."

"Okay. Okay! That's fine!" BoJack said quickly. "We can get you back in bed, and give you some painkillers, and--"

"No!" She shouted, ears flattening at the loud noise. "S-sorry, uh... no painkillers?"

"Right," he said. "Shit, sorry. No more drugs. Let's just let you rest up for a while longer, and when you wake up we can eat breakfast like usual, whatever you want."

Hollyhock took a deep breath. "O-Okay."

For a few minutes, they sat there, Hollyhock breathing heavily, BoJack rubbing circles into her upper back and keeping her hair away from her face. There were a few more vomit scares, but nothing else came up and eventually she went boneless. 

"Can we clean you up a bit and take you back to the bedroom now?" Diane asked quietly. "You can get more sleep there, and it'll be a hell of a lot more comfortable."

There was a jerky nod and both of them stood to help Hollyhock up.

 

"So how bad is it?" Princess Carolyn asked as they both came back in, taking the Bluetooth out of her ear. Her eyebrows were drawn together. "Sounded awful from in here."

"Still pretty out of it. She did throw up a few times, but that's normal."

Diane laughed. "The bar for 'normal' around here is ridiculously low."

 _I set that bar,_ BoJack thought glumly.  _My bar is so much lower, and it can't be like that anymore if Hollyhock is going to stay here.  I can't go into alcohol mode or fall asleep when I promised to be there, because this isn't a one night stand, this is being a parent. Hollyhock is so much more than that._

Princess Carolyn, who, honestly, probably understood him better than anyone else, gave him a nod. "It's going to be alright, remember?"

"...If you guys need to go- I know you have work soon, P.C.-"

She took his hand and scowled, waving a hand to motion at the others. "We're  _staying_ , BoJack. It's like what Mr. Peanutbutter said, that's what we're here for."

They'd get through it together. 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Quick note, the proper procedure after a roofie is probably a trip to the ER/A&E, not to go 'sleep it off', but hey, what do I know. Quick note #2, please never use any of my writing for any medical advice ever never ever ever.
> 
> Please lemme know if you have any feedback or give some kudos if you enjoyed, I love seeing what I can improve on and what people like! :') I literally have no idea if this is good or not so *Gina voice* I am so sorry I'll go


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